Ulic Returns

2008-04-08T13:57:00.000+08:00

2008-04-08T13:53:00.001+08:00

Be careful the safe! You not careful the safe then the safe will eat you up!
And no jumping! Only running off is allowed.

2008-04-08T13:49:00.000+08:00

... yeah that about sums it all up.

2008-01-17T00:25:00.000+08:00

i feel broken, somehow. should've seen it coming. well, i guess i did, knowing full well how self-destructive i am.

this just some rambling. so dun bother reading.

they say a child is born pure. free of sin. at least, that's like what holy books say. i tend to think we're born perfect. well, besides the imperfection of being human, that is. a child knows no evil. and so does none. it doesn't know good, or any better, so it really doesn't do much. maybe that's why a child is usually entrusted to parents. or at least some kind of parental approximation.

'cus you know, as kids grow, they get exposed to great many things. they're not all bad, but not all good either. so it's supposed to be the parents' job to make sure they max out the good. and snuff out the not so good. well, some parents may prefer the opposite. shame on them.

and of course, while doing all that, parents expose their kids to themselves, and their influence.

here's what bugs me.

i just wonder sometimes (a lot more recently), why some parents don't really make sense. especially when they're like mad at their kids.

why is it that a parent, while admonishing its recalcitrant child, is baffled at such misbehaviour? why is the story of parents who wonder where the child went wrong so common? why? i really don't know.

as for me. i am what i am. and i am also what the environment makes me. and who i will be is a combination of what i make of myself and what is made of me. so happens i've lived in a sheltered world since forever. so happens the external influences i inadvertently succumbed to since early on in life came from family.

so happens.

so maybe when they next ask me such things, they should answer it themselves. i mean, even if i did, they wouldn't listen anyway.

ah heck with it. i blame them. it's their fault. mostly. i blame them for how they've moulded me, and made me what i am. i have my good points. and it's because of them too. but i also have my bad points. and i'll be damned if i let them take credit for the pluses and refuse responsibility for the minuses.

i'm moderately irritated right now. and for those who know me, my admitting i'm even slightly annoyed means a lot.

i feel broken. i think i AM broken.

2007-12-18T18:48:00.000+08:00

i was rereading the last post and well i think i was, as usual, confusing and confused.
so i'll try some pictures. this is my cat, Chi chi. previously known as Dayan Putri Faizah, and before that Faiz, and originally known as Tiger. Sometimes referred to as Kangaroo and Rabbit.

And, these are the faces of lepak. Or rather, one face, in different positions, representing (all of them) lepak.

I really like the last two. really captured what i think lepak means..

2007-12-18T17:46:00.000+08:00

lepak. an interesting word. pronounced lay-park, it is most often used as a verb; that is to say, to lepak is to loiter. yes, loiter. so people usually lepak at the mall, or the park etc.

too bad loiter's such a negative word. i prefer a wider perspective of lepak, which i shall talk about in due time. first, there's the kind of people with which the word lepak is usually associated.

now, now, i don't really mean to generalise and stereotype (which of course i fully intend to, just that i want to put a disclaimer up first)... it's just that people usually have no reason to, you know, loiter.

and when i say loiter i mean just stay in one place, doing nothing in particular. and it's specific to doing this loitering thing on more than one occasion. so it's appropriate to say that someone lepaks at the mall if it's like their umpteenth time there, well, lepak-ing. i mean, this loitering thing doesn't happen on a whim, does it? no one really remembers the first time they lepak-ed, they just know they've been doing it for a very, very long time. so it's actually the culmination of many little things, this lepak business.

and so happens, most people i know or hear of who lepak basically did the same things, or had the same habits. not usually punctual, kinda lazy, laid back, that kind of thing.. that's okay to me, but some others lepak 'cus they have nothing better to do. and they lepak instead of going to school. or work. that i cannot take. i mean, there's a reason for school and work, man... at least skip it for a reason. if school's too boring, do something NOT boring instead. just lazing around can get boring you know... and yet lepak happens all the time.

so yah. that's like how most people lepak. dun sound too lovely duddit? oh, and lepak's like a malay word. i have no idea where it came from, 'cus it still isn't inside the dictionary i have (and it's like, updated). they do have a lepak, but it's pronounced luh-park. kinda means pale, white. like your face is putih meLEPAK (like so white it's deathly kind of white, or victorian lead makeup kind of white). and this word, being malay, is usually associated with a certain brand of malay. the mat. not worth talking about anymore, really. compare them to like white hobos, just that they're not that worse off.

anyway (wow i like digressing),

i prefer a wider perspective, like because i kinda lepak too. and man, i don't like when it translates to loiter. 'cus i don't loiter.

for me, lepak is like... like... oh, like that lion king thing. oh... how do you spell it. aku-na-matata? something like that. it's just the idea of relaxation. just relaxing. and it doesn't involve any kind of work you don't want to do. it's like doing what you really want when you really want it. like singing your favorite song, dancing your favorite dance. just like that..

ok an example: i'm gonna start work as a relief teacher at my junior college next year. and i consider that a lepak thing. cus i think teaching's fun. and easy (i'll probably change my mind after actually doing it, but hey). and i like playing the guitar. and learning new songs.

learning new songs can be a bit difficult. especially if the stuff's like grade 8 shit and you have no proper training whatsoever. but it's fun. and i consider that lepak.

lepak is contentment. it's being happy with your life. it's not about running away from school. even school can be lepak. if you enjoy it. it's taking each problem in life without troubling yourself too much. to lepak is to take a break.

man... i'm not sure how to explain this lah. lepak is lepak. if you feel it, then you understand that i feel it. if not, then too bad for you. go stress yourself out.

2007-11-26T17:41:00.000+08:00

here's something for adalmin.

you are one funny woman. i guess you kick ass.

for one, you made recess in bp interesting.

and you play good halo. gave me a bit of a challenge. haha. nah, you good. made me run for my money. that is, if i had money.

and you write good. insanely funny wtf posts. and you write a lot of good good. it's like, how much time DO you spend on that blog.

and you a real person. not pretentious. no. you know who you are, and to hell with those who don't know who you are. it's your foot up their sorry asses.

and you got deep pockets haha. well, relative to my pockets. but you don't generally rub it in. generally.

well, here's to adalmin. yay.

2007-11-26T16:53:00.000+08:00

You know, i generally believe in being an open minded person. I mean, we should all just go with the flow as much as possible, and in turn allow other people to do the same. Like, i've got buddies who smoke. i'm not for it, let me tell ya. but i respect their decisions. they know full well what they're in for anyway. heh, this buddy of mine even gave me an interesting reason behind his smoking:

"i don't wanna live to a ripe old age and take care of my health and eat proper food, exercise, basically just live that perfect lifestyle. 'cus you know what? i'm gonna die anyway, and if i live like that, i'll have no f*cking idea why i'll die in the end. with smoking, i'll know it's because of the smoke."

i guess many would say that all that's just some really whacked bullshit. i dunno man. to me, it's just funny. and it's not my life, so yeah. just don't expect me to joiun you guys, huh (which they don't anyway). so basically, i respect their right to their shit, and they respect my right to mine.

anyway (was a tinsy bit off tangent there), it's all about keeping an open mind. smokers aren't necessarily bad people, and bad people aren't necessarily smokers. i mean, just look at Bush.

so that's the kind of philosophy in life that i wanna adopt: people aren't evil. but i guess there are exceptions. not jews. not chinese people. and not mats. okay maybe mats. but that's another story. i'm talking about taxi drivers. not all taxi drivers. some. okay maybe most. ah heck, all of them.

you see, i'm not trying to put down the wonderful contributions to society that taxi drivers tend to make, but this one experience with a taxi driver really really made me sick. it was horrible man..

we were in the queue of a taxi stand at the hospital. and then we got on a cab... you know what? i don't even think it's really worth typing so much about. so i summarise. the one thing that really made me, my mum, my neighbour, and her two little kids really sick in the cab was insanely bad driving.

you'd think that taxi drivers are well trained in, you know, DRIVING! this guy apparently had no effing idea how to drive well. yeah, he followed all the rules of the road, and we got back home in one piece, but wtf man.. we pay you to get us home comfortably, not with lunch half way back up the gullet.

the thing is, this guy couldn't cruise for nuts. man, he had no control. it went like this: accelerate for one sec, then let go of the pedal for two, then accelerate again, then let go then etc. i actually saw the needle in the speedometer bob up and down, and that was on the expressway. here's some perspective as to why it made us so so sick. it's all about science (or pseudo science, 'cus i don't know shit about it)

newton (the apple-on-head guy) said that the rate of change of momentum of a body is directly proportional to the resultant force acting on it, and points in the same direction as that force. and if the mass of a body is constant, then the momentum changes only with velocity. that said, force = mass x change in velocity = mass x acceleration. so when you accelerate, you feel a force, k? okay.

when the cab accelerates, the resultant force points forward. so we in the car experience a force acting forwards as well. because of inertia, and how the inner ear works, we feel like we're being pushed back into our seats.

then the driver lets the pedal go: there isn't anymore driving force from the engine to propel the cab forward. but there is friction which opposes the forward motion of the cab. so the resultant force is backwards, because the car decelerates. so we feel a force backwards: we feel as if we're gonna jump out the windshield. then you just repeat the process. by the way, if you're reading this, then enjoy the headache.

try this. you're looking at the screen of the laptop or computer, reading this insane post, wishing to tear your head apart. now accelerate towards the screen. make sure you feel the acceleration. then, just as you're about to hit the screen, pull your head back away from it. again, make sure you feel the acceleration. that's what we felt in the cab. throughout the hour-long ride.

okay, that's that. couple those sensations with what your eyes see. as for us, we saw the ladnscape rolling by. so the eyes tell the brain that we're moving forward. but the body tells it that we're constantly being pushed forward and back. this kind of sensory conflict is just toxic. i have no idea why, but because of this, we get all woozy. so we wanna puke.

BUT WE CAN'T. 'cus we're in an effing cab. i hate cabs. i hate bad drivers. especially if they're cab drivers. they make me sick (literally). die, cabbies, die.

mo offense meant to good cabbies.

2007-11-26T10:47:00.000+08:00

Helloooo Fad!

How are you? Still with Adidasman?
Working? Enjoying life?
Miss me? I guess i miss you, haha.
I think i remember seeing one of your comments on veoh for gungrave.
Do you have a blog? Do like to eat prata? I like prata. especially the egg onion one. sometimes chees egg is nice too. but i don't really like plain prata. especially the really greasy ones. haha i'm spouting crap right now.

Bye fad!!

2007-11-20T21:02:00.000+08:00

Last post: 15 April ‘07

Whoa… what a pathetic loser I am…

That aside, here are the ten most significant things that have happened to me since then:

1. Getting a new guitar.

Can you imagine how hard it is to play a guitar with a chipped nut? As lewd as it may sound, a guitar with a chipped nut is very, very hard to play. And it gets worse when you try to compensate by stuffing some paper between the nut and the string a la fixing a wobbly table during exams…
With this new guitar that isn’t so new ‘cause it was bought off a second hand store (what can I say? I’m sorta a mat), I can at least happily strum without any risk of having errant pieces of paper previously stuffed in between other stuff shoot up into my nostrils. Yippee.

2. Dad starts working overseas.

Well, long story short, Dad had a brilliant idea to venture into Malaysia, trying to train educators there. So he quit his day job, and has been regularly gallivanting up north, pilfering the unknowing Malaysian education honchos of their money (which they probably embezzled anyway).
I have to give it to him though… He’s found a very lucrative investment opportunity. And who could think of something more sustainable then trying to train Malaysian educators, huh? Imagine that… wawasan 2020 my pie hole. Spend millions on a space tourist… heh. Meanwhile…

3. Brother decides to drive Dad’s kinda new car while he’s away. Brother didn’t have a licence, by the way. He still doesn’t. You’ll find out why soon enough.

The event itself as stated above should be self explanatory, but I think it merits a tinsy bit more elaboration.
Up till that fateful evening, Dad’s been training Brother to drive. He could drive decently enough after some time. It still felt like he’d tip the car over every time he rounded a corner, but it was a hell of a lot better than the beginning (note to beginner drivers: DO NOT speed down a slope that leads to a stop sign marking an intersection with a major road full of heavy traffic SANS SEATBELTS).
That night, he decided to again drive out with friends without Dad’s permission (wasn’t his first time, Dad scolded him many times before). I have no idea how it happened, but he got involved in an accident, along with three other car drivers. And their cars, of course. Supposedly, it wasn’t his fault: the taxi driver did it (sigh, it’s always the taxi drivers. Touting, flouting, and then starting massive tetra-vehicular pile ups). Nobody cared though. Not the cab driver. Not the Merc driver. Not that other driver. And neither the police. No licence + driving + near vehicular manslaughter = very, very big NO NO.
So he got banned from driving (hey, he couldn’t drive without a licence anyway) for a year I think. And Dad had to pay for the repairs. All four cars’ worth of repairs.

4. BROADBAND INTERNET ACCESS.

Okay, it’s important to consider here that I am a run of the mill mat. Can’t afford much. So I was damn happy with broadband. For one, I didn’t have to illegally do anything to get online, like leeching and mooching. That is to say, I can legally use the internet! HAH! Take THAT you government watchdogs! You can’t catch me for leeching!

Secondly, I didn’t have to limit my bandwidth to hide my downloading of anime. HAH! So now I can get anime episodes in like ten minutes instead of ten hours. HAH! But then…

5. Bloody ODEX

They had to get the government involved. Can’t really download anymore ‘cause of prosecution. Man, Singapore’s been the laughing stock of the entire fansubbing community… Not that it mattered anyway..

6. Broadband got screwed up anyway..

Stupid mechanical messed up effed up worthless white elephant shit. Can’t even load pages more than half the time now.. Which means to say that the connection to the internet is way tipsy. Which means to say…

7. Cut off from MSN

NO MESSENGER??? WTF WTF? NOT EVEN WEBMESSENGER? YOU ARE ONE MESSED UP SON OF A B*TCH.

No communication with old buddies. No communications with new buddies. None. Nada. Oh how the phone bill soared after that.

8. Brother goes to the army.

Now this is self explanatory: five days every week by myself at home. Woohoo!!

9. Teachers Day (embarrassing shit)

10. ‘A’ LEVELS ARE OVER!!!!!!!!

No freaking econs for the rest of my life! No more Le Chatelier’s Principle for chem! No more school! No more school? ….

Hmm. No more school. No more corner-relaxing at school with fellow mats. No more insulting teachers. No more getting insulted by teachers.. Lot’s of no mores.

Man…

I’m gonna miss this year.

2007-04-15T22:06:00.000+08:00

So turns another page in the little book called "The Sad, Sad Story of My Life"...

Pre-University Seminar (PuS, for short here) is gonna happen in a short one and a half months' time. I fully intend to make it the best that i can as an SLO (Student Liaison Officer). That's the gist of what's been happening to me recently. But that's not the point of my posting now.

In preparation for PuS, us SLOs had to go for this camp. Very simply put, the camp was tremendously enlightening. And for the next few posts, I purport to apply what i have learnt about a very important but often ignored concept called acknowledgement.

It is important to give thanks. And to give thanks is to use a very powerful tool to connect to other people. Everyone feels down every now and then. With the right words, anyone down can easily recover. To that end, i will give my thanks.

I will give acknowledgement to others so that they too may feel what i have felt. Others have given what i hope were sincere acknowledgements. And i would be lying if i said that i didn't feel better. So here it is. I will devote the next few posts to acknowledging others.

For some weird reason, i've chosen azhar first. Actually, it's because he's always been the first to check this dead blog out in case i've posted something. here goes:

Azhar

Thank you for continuously checking this site even though it's most often not updated.

you have been a fiercely loyal friend these few years, and i really appreciate how you can brighten up any atmosphere with your warm and approachable personality.

thank you for being there, just putting up with all my crap, and not judging me because of what wrong things i do.

thank you for laughing with me through my mistakes, and allowing me to laugh with you through yours.

thanks for caring.

thanks. the list just goes on, azhar, so there's really not much point in continuing this.

all i can give to you is my thanks. you are a real friend. and you make a difference in my life.

by the way, i am not gay.

2007-03-23T15:52:00.000+08:00

ah... it has been a while, no?

i've been busy. with studies... with family... with friends... with her...

yeap. my life pretty much has been quite occupied. why do i post now, then? does it mean that i don't have anything better to do? does it mean that i'm actually suggesting that the majority of bloggers out there actually HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO? nope. not really, anyway.

i guess it depends on your definition of what's better to do. for me, nothing's really much better to do than other things. they all seem the same. it's just a matter of convenience. i won't do things if they're inconvenient. in other words...

i am a lazy bugger. these past few months, blogging seemed just so damn inconvenient to me. i was just to lazy lah. what about now, you ask?

i just have nothing better to do, that's all. hah. i'm not contradicting myself here, mind you. here's the deal.

i'm actually having a work-session on in council. but then most of the work's kinda done on my end. so what's a lazy man to do. here are his options:

option number one. he can look around and see if anyone else needs any help and then help out purely out of the goodness of his heart. NOT gonna happen. firstly, i don't look around to see if anyone needs help. secondly, i don't really help out much, do i (don't answer)? and lastly: GOODNESS OF MY HEART??? my heart's not good, missy. even if i had one.

ok, so that basically screws option one.

option two. he gets up, walks around, buys some food, laze off somewhere else, then go home. sounds very nice, doesn't it. there's just one small problem. this option entails me doing 5 things. 5 THINGS??!! maybe later when i have no choice but to do that, then i will. but until then, nobody's gonna be able to make me do more than one thing for one amount of satisfaction. 5 for one is not a good deal, brother.

obviously, i only have option three (i'm just following the crowd here. typically there are only three options when discussing these kind of things. i'm too lazy to write anymore than 3 anyway).

i post on my blog. yeah. the thing is, we're supposed to design a blog for the coming elections. some other initiated guy did it already. so what's a guy to do when the browser window's already at blogger? do the math.

woohoo. one for one. i feel great. yet another blog post that's all about a great load of nothing whatsoever.

i'll kepp you posted. get it? haha.

2007-02-11T23:26:00.000+08:00

distance makes the heart grow fonder...

my-foot-up-your-nether-regions it does.

being away from people sucks. especially people you care about. i mean, think about it: the best time you ever spend nowadays is with that person. how the heck does it feel better to be away, pray tell?

watching that person smile. laugh. talk. i can't do that when that person's not right next to me now can i...

just looking at those eyes. those beautiful eyes. the way they light up with every new idea. the way they come alive when that person's happy. makes you more alive too. makes you happy too...

how much more special can someone get, when whatever they do, however they feel has an inexplicable effect on you?

even when those eyes dim. when they water. when for some reason, they lose their vibrancy, even for a moment. you feel it too. you feel the hurt. and you don't know what to do but wait it out like any other storm.

that person is like the ocean waves. and you're a hopelessly lost ship, trying to find your way. you go along with the ebb and the flow, the rise and the fall. the element of that person is so intricately woven into your life, that if ever that person goes away and utterly disappears, you'll sink, get not only lost, but trapped in abyssmal misery as well.

so, back to the thesis: does distance make the heart grow fonder? my-foot-up-your-nether-regions it does.

i realised it with more certainty today. being around someone special does things that imagining being around that person can never do.

what's more, distance makes the heart freakin' paranoid shitless.

what if? but then? then again? oh my god i'm gonna be alone again...

those are the questions you ask yourself. and you very well know what your conclusion will be.

when you're with that special someone, you don't even think of thinking to ask those questions to anyone.

i was with a special someone today. now i don't ask myself so many stupid questions.

i looked at those eyes. i saw them come alive. i saw them lose focus. and i saw them come alive again. i rode the waves. went along for the roller coaster ride. i listened to the stories. i told some of my own. and in the end, i'm happy. i don't ask myself stupid questions. so i don't come to stupid conclusions.

sometimes the ship has to sail through a storm. at other times, the ship gets stuck on a reef or a sandbar. but sometimes, the ocean is calm. the sun hangs low and casts long shadows into the twilight. the clouds gently roll by. it's just the ship, and the ocean. the sounds of small waves splashing against the hull.

sweet nothings whispered into the ear. reminders of just how nice life can be.

how can distance beat that?

2006-11-28T21:09:00.000+08:00

Ulic is happy. For once, Ulic is actually happy.
Ulic thinks that he has said this once before, but he feels like saying it again because he's happy.

Ulic is happy.

2006-11-18T01:06:00.000+08:00

A bit about Ulic today.

Ulic is a wretched, sad creature. And Ulic has a few things to say.

Ulic is sorry. He is selfish. And he seeks out things to satisfy his own selfish wants.

He fails others, and in doing so fails himself. Long ago Ulic resolved not to let his choices affect others. He never did let anyone close enough, simply because the ripples from his choices are most strongly felt nearby.

No one knew him for who he really was. And that was the way he wanted. If others do not know him, they will not know his choices, and the influence of such choices on their own choices will not come to be. His choices would, in effect, affect only himself.

Most unfortunately, the oh so very human nature of Ulic is not incomplete. He knows what it is to be alone. Pursuant on this fact, he fails in his resolve. For he sometimes makes a choice to include others in the pathetic pages of the book that is his life. Therein his choices affect them. And thereto he fails everyone.

In trying not to be alone, Ulic realises that he cannot make the ones around him smile. He realises that, himself notwithstanding, his choices should never leave anyone worse off for it.

He cannot do this with others around. He feels that whatever he does only makes things worse. He does not like it. He wants to make things better. Towards that end, he will do what needs doing.

That is all from Ulic today.

On a side note, though, Ulic has to pretend to be negative around some people. Quite simply, this is because he doesn't have to pretend to be anything else. Unfortunately, he cannot deprive the people around him who make him happy their own happiness. It would make whatever joy he experiences exist without meaning nor purpose.

Ulic is a sad, wretched creature.

2006-11-04T19:57:00.000+08:00

the challenge is on. you may be one tough nut to crack, but not only will i crack you, i will break you. i will crush you.

this is war, and God help me i won't stop till you, your name, your family and their name, and anyone or thing associated with you are ruined. broken. crushed.

for too long, i stood by and merely watched as you and your minions ravaged my mind, body and soul (yes, Ulic has a soul, and fyi, it is as yet unsold to any devil). for too many painful years, you have deprived me of even the most basic happiness that is the birthright of all humans (yes, Ulic is also human. barely).

no more. no longer. our prolonged engagement will finally come to a long overdue end.

my mistake was being alone, and that loneliness left me watching as those around me realised your vile nature and waged their own wars, much to their individual successes. mistakes aren't meant to be repeated, though. i have found allies. and they will not hesitate to aid me in destroying you.

with their help, my friends the Dumbells, Gymball, and Weight Gainer, you, the dark spectre of Underweight-ness, shall be forever vanquished. Starting next week.

Cheh. Maybe i should start destroying my old enemy Procrastination first. Okay, maybe tomorrow...

2006-11-01T20:49:00.000+08:00

wow. it's interesting how ironic life can be. i've been wanting to gain weight since... well, forever (earliest time i recall was when i was in primary 3. wanted to get fat so i could float). but i've only found ways to make myself thinner. like, say, popcorn. makes me a) puke, or b) shit real fast, which is almost as good as puking. and after that, i don't feel hungry for the rest of the day. like today. i watched deathnote, which really is what this post is about.

the idea of having the power over life and death always did intruige me. it's ever so... attractive. the movie was thusly quite the irrisistable thing. all in, though, hindsight tells me that it did not deliver as much as i'd hoped.

the intro, for one, made me want to leave the cinema hall, indiscriminately showering the other people with popcorn and coke. it was kinda nice to see the first person get a heart attack. it was nice to see the second person get a heart attack. but the third, fourth, fifth, and all those other prison people? needless to say (i'll say it still, in case any RP people are reading this) the novelty of it all wore off. we joked that the whole movie would be like that, two hours and ten minutes of writing and heart attacks, and it would end when the deathnote is out of pages.

another thing was the predictability of it all. a kid has something way too big for him fall conveniently onto his lap (for you english purists, i know it's kinda like a mistake to use 'onto' for something bigger than the lap, but the book is physically smaller than his lap, and only figuratively fell onto his lap. it fell to the ground, which is way bigger than the book, but that's another matter entirely). then, he gets this farny idea of changing the world. kid gets deluded. kid becomes twisted, despite the writers purposefully leaving him with a bit of humanity to keep the audience hoping against hope, only to reveal that he is the very monster he wanted to destroy.

but that's just the general story. one would think that the little details would make the delivery of this really boring plot refreshing. one would be thinking wrong. i guess it's not that they didn't try. but the patterns could be seen miles away. like the "busjack" thing. oh so typical. even the step-out-of-bus-and-get-knocked-down-by-a-car bit. or the "write down their names or i'll kill everyone here". please note that i'm a deathnote noob (this is my first foray into the thing). i should actually be quite surprised and shocked. i don't really know why i wasn't. for example, right when that cooking show girl got another book. i went, "she's gonna be in deathnote 2? yeah, she definitely will be". quite predictably, she will be. some of the twists were like blazing bullseyes too. like the father being the lead investigator. or the kid being L. or the protagonist kid being diabolical and anticipating.

let me say again, i have never known deathnote before the movie.

that aside, though... the movie did have its perks. japanese girls are soo cute. especially the sister. much like xiangrong, only female. and i liked the part where the interviewee joked about killing her parents.

oh and before i forget, "ryuk" is so amusing. you can't take an eyelid-less perpetually-smiling clownface seriously. i was laughing my ass off when it (?) said the "didn't you even love her?" bit. clowns don't do drama. horror, yes.

looking back again, i guess the movie wasn't that bad. i actually recommend a watch. just don't watch it again. keep it to one time. cus, at the end you'll think it was a good movie even though you don'tknow why. but if you watch it again, you'll know why it wasn't.

2006-10-29T23:00:00.000+08:00

tomorrow is the day. the results will be out tomorrow.
it is thusly a time for reflection. what a year it has been... why, i remember the first day i spent in pj...

... actually, screw reflection. i don't want to be digging up dirt about myself (other people's dirt is another matter entirely). old hurts can and will wound the present and future. i don't want to reflect on what happened so long ago. what happened two days ago is also another matter.

since two days ago is like today, only 48 hours ago, then i guess it's okay to bitch about it. it'll meke me feel better.

we had a class bbq. you know what? i'm not going to disclose all the details. no point. i'd much prefer to just make an open letter to no one in particular. here goes:

dear whoever you are (i shall call you genius),

so, genius. pardon my impudence, and may God have mercy at my soul for being so rude and brash at criticising (yes, i'm merely criticising, because i can't see any way to make it constructive. it's beyond hope) your perfect being, in all its perfect anachronism (it belongs in the mesozoic era with all the other prehistoric dumbf***s). but you would do well, very well indeed, if you weren't such a hopelessly exasperating specimen of the foulest bovine excrement. please pardon my excessive utilisation of lengthy vernacular irrespective of necessity, but all the simple words would be full of asterisks and whatnots.

everyone has their own responsibility, and it's only right that they own up and care for it. it's also great for people to cover for one another if the job won't get done. what you did was try to cover for a friend of mine. that's fine. you had the right intention (i am assuing that you had the right intentions, or God help me you'll be alone, in a corner of some decrepit latrine, crying yourself shitless because of me). but you did all that worthless covering arbitrarily. how can you be so arrogant and downright obnoxious? what, you didn't think that that friend of mine can handle it, the same person who initiated the activity? the same person who categorically said that he'd do what needed to be done? the same person who specifically requested for you not to interfere?

did you think that you were the only person in the entire organisation to have been able to satisfactorily carry out the task, the task that was quite noticeably under the express purview of the person who organised the activity in the first place? and you did all that, wasting more than half the freaking budget in the process, BY YOUR FREAKIN' SELF!

did you even bother to ask if we had our plans? if there were any alternatives? if we actually knew what we were doing? did you really bother? i shall tell you the answer: no. for if you really did bother to consult the people in charge, you'd have done it. and don't even think to say you tried. there are 27 people in the class. i can safely say you did not ask everyone.

and so it was that you used more than half the budget on food, the quality of which you were not able (or just fooloshly unwilling) to ascertain, on expensive and overpriced hawker fare, and on seafood that wasn't even marinaded. NOT FREAKIN' MARINADED (note: i'm not done bitching about this yet)! all that food, and you didn't bother to think about what to barbeque them with! you didn't bother to check for the charcoal, firestarters, plates, cups... you didn't bother. we ran on a very tight budget before your autonomous acquisitions, and after your 'noble' deeds, it was a nightmare. to top it off, you didn't buy 'em with your own money. it was the class's freakin' cash, money that very clearly did not belong to you and yet you squandered it mindlessly. the point is, the responsibility wasn't yours, the money wasn't yours, and you just didn't get it.

back to the seafood. not marinaded. you yourself said that they weren't marinaded. and WHAT DID YOU DO? i asked you to buy the marinade. i told you to buy it. i told you to call if you were not sure. WHAT DID YOU DO? NOTHING. why? because "we didn't know what to do". if you didn't know what to do, why even bother to make an autonomous executive decision involving other people's cash when you clearly don't have the authority? you freakin' reap what you sow, and damn well finish what you started. you decided to take it upon yourself to make it a 'success', and you didn't have the balls to finish the job and see it through to the end. you better not say you're a leader. that worthless thing you wear on your left breast as is with the student 'leaders' means nothing if you don't act like a leader. people won't listen to you if you don't make it worthwhile. you made it worthless. there's a reason that i choose not to wear my badges. people don't listen because i have a badge. they listen because i make damn sure i don't mess up. and when i do mess up, i OWN UP. I APOLOGISE. what do you do? NOTHING.

you didn't apologise, and you bloody well didn't finish the job. guess who cooked your dumb ass food? i don't have to tell you, you already know. and just so you know, he apologised for not being able to go for the barbecue. he apologised, and he didn't give excuses.

you didn't apologise, woman, and you sure as hell gave excuses. screw you.

woots. that's that. i feel better already. genius.

2006-10-27T15:38:00.000+08:00

America's indeed the land where dreams come true. If all else fails for me, I'll be an American cab driver. I wonder why they're mostly midle eastern though...

As seen on Break.com

2006-10-26T18:49:00.000+08:00

Ah, once more, after many MANY months of inactivity (as if. i was quite active. just not actively blogging), i have returned to the ever so routine world of blogging. i hate routines. learnt that during a workshop in which i learnt about personality types (yes, Ulic does learn things. every so often. ok, fine. every so not-often)

now, a brief summary of what i have been up to these past few months.

1. preparation for open house
this was a killer. being the in-charge is worse. typically myself, i didn't really push for deadlines or prepare tight timelines, preferring instead to be spontaeneous, taking things as they crop up. BIG MISTAKE. we were soooo encumbered by backlog, we had months worth of work to do four weeks before the open house. but wait! there's more.

2. promotional examinations
the open house was two weeks after the promos. boy, did we (my committee and i) have fun juggling three months' backlog and our last minute revision. actually, they did all the revision and work juggling thing. i just did open house stuff. studying is just such a routine, you know? and i hate routines... so i did the interesting stuff, like sewing a banner ten metres long. and i actually fell in love with sewing. but i digress (you go: noooo.... you never digress, ulic. you are always straight to the point. always. ALWAYS! we love you!)

3. teachers' day (this was before item number two. i'm typing on a whim, here.)
i was an emcee! and i was great. (you guys go: yeah! as always, there is no one alive who can out-emcee you, Ulic! we love you!) so was my partner. provided the balance. i love azhar too! thanks for teaching me breakdancinng! you the fat bastard!

4. open house
still in quite the flabbergasted mood about open house. it was quite the success. sincere kudos to the committee for covering for me while i blacked out. (thus the short mention in this post. it's for real.)

5. promos results
well, not exactly the overall results. just the raw paper scores. got a nice palindrum (i don't know how to spell it so shove off): CBABC.

6. now
onomatopoeia. BOOM!BANG! POW! hehe. i can't seem to hold on to a single train of straight thought for more than half a minute nowadays. yay. i'm becoming insane (don't start). finally. on a metal pier. hehe. fleeting thoughts, testimony to a fleeting sanity.

adios compadres. auf wiedersehen.

2006-08-26T00:01:00.000+08:00

Today I realised yet again how much I cannot sing.

I was kinda out of my mind at that time, and it was during a rehearsal. The original singer didn't make it to the rehearsal. And so the band had no singer.

What to do? I sing lah. Ha ha. What a mistake that was.

That was such a big mistake, it makes George W. Bush a miracle. That was such a big mistake, it makes big nostrils or big heads godsends. You should get the picture.

The song was plush, by the way. And I mauled it. PLUSH. Such a nice song. Didn't sound that nice today. That's not the only mistake though.

I like to play the guitar high if I'm standing up. It's actually like the position the guitar is when playing sitting down. Makes finger plucking and strumming with long nails easier. But I didn't play a high strapped guitar. I played a frekin' low one because mine had a few snapped strings. And so I mauled quite a few riffs too.

I suppose it's not that bad though. Two negatives make a positive, right? Do not answer that.

2006-08-23T12:04:00.000+08:00

What's happening people? Go on and spam the survey. Like I said, to the gallows with accountability! Doctor the results! Refresh and redo!

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=686472474729

2006-08-16T13:35:00.000+08:00

Click here to take survey

Please render me your assistance and complete this survey. As many times as possible. To the gallows with accountability. Arr.

2006-08-13T01:13:00.000+08:00

Oh my god this seems so its-gonna-happen-man-damn-shit:

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

2006-08-13T00:55:00.000+08:00

Why Singapore Idol Is Not a Joke: An Epiphany

Everywhere I go, whatever time of the day it is, there is basically one inclination that comes to mind when the topic of Singapore Idol comes to mind. That inclination, that notion, that basic idea; it transcends all ethnic, religious, cultural and whatever-you-want boundaries. Singapore Idol is a joke.

Why, one might ask. Why in the world would such a large scale competition endorsed by the people of such an advanced first world (right.) liberal (right.) democratic (huh yeah whatever man.) country, Singapore, be a joke? The reason, according to them (the people who think it is a joke, for all you intelligent people out there) is that the people who can sing are not in the running while the people who cannot sing are not in the running. Basically, the hopelessly untalented shall inherit local popdom (not the Indian crispy thing. It is a euphemism I coined for the concept of local popular culture) while the definitively talented shall hide in a corner of their rooms and cry.

This is all because of irresponsible voting, according to these blind fools. Family votes, friends vote, and the pathetically blinded fans vote. Family and friends aside, as they are more or less constant throughout the competition, the number of votes a contestant gets is thus proportionate to the number of fans to the power of n, where n is the measure of how good looking the contestant is. Now to their point: the fans are whacked.

Let us be honest here. Singaporean voters do not know shit about what they are voting for (evidence: the Singapore General Election 2006. Please do not kill me.). They think if you look like a monkey and act like one on stage you can sing. Hell, they think that if you keep a curtain for a hairdo and dig your nose on national television you can sing. That is how knowledgeable Singaporeans are about singing.

So yeah, all that points to the conclusion that Singapore Idol is a joke. But I disagree. I shall explain this assertion before the majority of Singaporeans out there, save for about half a dozen people in the local entertainment industry, pick up pitch forks and flaming torches and mob my modest HDB flat.

It all depends on the definition of the competition. Everyone knows it is a singing competition. Everyone also knows that it is all bullshit. We must therefore look to a deeper understanding of this load of crap to justify our faithful devotion of time to a faithfully worthless competition that will make someone faithfully a phenomenal success for a very brief period of time. That is where my epiphany comes in.

Singapore Idol is not about eventually recognizing someone who can epitomize local popdom. It is about eventually recognizing someone, or a few someones, who can epitomize the sheer duplicity of the Singaporean masses.

We preach meritocracy. We preach transparency. We preach integrity. Individually, I actually believe that we practice what we preach. But alas, we are all human. And humans are biologically engineered by nature to be biased towards the people who can make potentially beautiful babies with you. That is who we really are. This shows, especially when you involve yourself in something as supposedly detached as SMS voting. What is wrong with just one vote for cute little monkey face, or if you’re a blinded fool, what is wrong with 500 votes for cute monkey? Multiply that by the thousands of blinded fools, and you get your winner.

So, in actual hypothesis, Singapore Idol shows just how human we Singaporeans are. And how good looking the PAP is. Please do not kill me.

2006-07-22T18:58:00.001+08:00

An Ode To A Day In My Life

The early morning sun awakes
Aready I am on my way
In father's car till school I stay
I sit in school when morning breaks.
Sometimes this body aches and waits
A victim to a lonely fate
While others I sit not alone
A rock among some friendly stones.
The voice it looms loud long enough
To get us moving; yet I laugh
Because in spite of what it says
Not one, nor two, but all still stay.

Come noon when sun stands ramrod straight
The searful sheen of heat, it burns
And in the classrooms where we learn
For teachers' words we do not wait.
The things they say, their tips for tests
Fall unimpeded on deaf ears
And all the knowledge they posess
Is lost in myriad seas of fears.
Yet through it all, none of our frights
Concern the things we need for school
The only worry day and night
We have is only if we're cool.

As sun begins to falter more
And shadows cast run long and deep
In toilets people make their marks
When boredom fills their every pore.
The clock, it ticks with cruel pace
So slow it mocks me in my face
As time eternal gets condensed
Into a moment with no sense.
The numbness though it dwells entrenched
Like substitutes upon the bench
Fate yet cannot stop that one ring
To home I run, always smiling.

Note to readers: Yeah well I was bored in school. Duh.

2006-07-19T20:37:00.000+08:00

Ulic wood lyke too apollogize for hes appolling spellink. his not dat goot ad hes langkuage. soory.

2006-07-18T22:44:00.000+08:00

The Evaluation of Print and Non-Print Materials (EoM)

Essentially a process through which students can conveniently waste their lives away without the obvious accountability being traced back to the teachers and the establishment. It is a slow and tedious process, somewhat reminiscent of the tortures of answering social studies source-based questions. The only difference is that there is but one question, instead of four, and the quality of answers has an actual bearing in your A Level results.

As such, many students perpetually trudge on in completing their EoMs to the best of their abilities, despite the ever obvious superflous nature of it all. Many hours of lesisure time are sacrificed as the opportunity cost of this activity and students go to great lengths to finish the said document. All this is done at the expense of more enjoyable activities such as eating, sleeping, and (erm) masturbation.

The nominal gain that students experience is severly overstative of the actual benefits that this activity brings about. This is due to the exclusion of the consideration of negative externalities, such as degradation of psycho-motor skills (as evidenced in less outstanding performances in console games) and basically (erm) less masturbation.

Indeed, the unpleasant side-effects of this (eg. more efficiant study habits and lifestyles that will ensure long and successful working careers, leading up to an enriching retirement and fulfilling life) outweigh the benefits (eg. more voluminous and viscous (erm) ejaculation).

In succint conclusion, EoM sucks.

Note to readers: If you guys have not realised that I am trying to joke here, then OH GOD YOU ARE ALL FREAKINGLY RETARDED IDIOTS. AND IF THAT'S NOT ENOUGH, YOU"RE ALL FAT. HAH.

2006-07-16T22:30:00.000+08:00

An Ode To Wireless Networking:

Awake, I beseech you now, awake,
That all your powers I may leech;
I now have learned what others teach,
And so in free surfing partake.
I ask of you just one small thing,
Be ever free for my linking;
And in return I shall be kind,
Your router settings I won't mind;
If you so choose though to stay closed,
I will just show the threat I pose;
To you and all your router friends,
I'll find your passwords; your lives end.

Note to readers: Please do not involve yourselves in leeching the wireless networks of unsuspecting neighbours. It is an illegal activity by law and if caught you will be punished to its fullest extent. No, seriously. Go dial up or someting.

2006-07-15T20:36:00.000+08:00

i have found some direction, i think. i shall take up the challenge of blogging once more. hell yeah.

to hell with making fun of people. all that can come later. i will make fun of myself first. and i shall start with my mid year examinations.

the first paper was my math paper. i started studying for it the night before. and what i studied did not come out for the paper. cool. as for the paper itself, i suppose i can say it was not that difficult, even though i only managed to scrape a C. the invigilator sounded a lot like a filipino domestic worker. no offense though; i respect that teacher. yes ma'am. or mum. whatever. the funny thing is, i didn't clear my calculator's memory. thankfully i didn't use any of the illegal applications inside it. but that was kind of a thrill. the weirdest thing is, even with the C, i topped my class. which means, my class sucks eggs. no offense faiz. you just inhale eggs with your gargantuan nostrils.

the next paper was a surprise. economics. the questions were tough. again, i studied for it the night before. only this time, what i studied came out. as a result, i'm probably third in class. yippee. but that is not the coolest part of the econs paper. the coolest part is that for the entire set of two papers taking more than 3 hours... I DID THE PAPER WITH MY FLY WIDE OPEN. i sat in a lecture theater for three freakin' hours with my giraffe feeling cool air. and i sat with my legs wide open. i was wondering why all the invigilators kept staring at me. i realised after the paper that it wasn't my dashingly good looks. still... it was kinda cool. really. and yeah i had no time to properly finish my essay so i just wrote "Peace." i got scolded. Duh.

ah chemistry. another paper i studied for the night before. but since chemistry is like my forte, no surprise i only got a B for it. it was boring. nothing special or embarrassing happened.

then there was one free day before physics. i slept the whole day through. so basically, no surprise that i did not get to even try to comprehend the last four pages of the paper. 21 marks gone. ah well. at least i passed with an E.

so maybe i should apply myself a bit more. maybe. right. hah. as if that'll ever happen.

2006-07-15T20:20:00.000+08:00

it sucks not having an outlet. for stress, i mean. i have all my natural outlets. i just need some people to listen to me, pretend they understand, with no questions asked.

so ya. today kinda sucked (surprise!).

i tried to let my mother know more about myself. by some horrible twist of fate, she cried and well the day just sucked.

so here it is:

what i've been wantin' to tell me mom is essentially this: please just listen to me and what i want to say; acknowledge my meager existence, that i may be a better son and disappoint you no more. i wish to understand all that you want me to. yet still i feel that i am not understood.

this is what i think she interpreted: mom you are so unfair to me you don't love me don't care about me blah blah.

and to top it off, i'm predisposed (by my childhood conditioning) to think that it's my fault. which it probably is.

yeah well life sucks. 'cus i make it suck. sometimes i think if i'm not here, there will be huge loads of problems less for people to worry about. i'm a trouble magnet. whenever i try to help, someone always gets hurt.

so yah.

2006-07-10T21:20:00.000+08:00

i am finally back.

things have definitely happened. lots of things.

i am a school councillor. yes. i definitely am. lots of things that i have to do now that i have responsibilities. hah, right.

i will be myself, as usual. i will find ways to do as many things with as little energy as possible. i will maintain my mask. i will work my way up.

it is difficult though. there are so many obstacles in my way. i'll just use my head to barge through them. either that, or use subterfuge. whatever lah.

i just don't know anymore. i am lost. honestly, i have lost my direction. where do my loyalties lie? where must i go first? who do i go to? what will i do? will i still be mine?

so many questions. so few answers. and how i present myself doesn't really help. everyone thinks i'm weird. whooppee. surprise.

at least, there have been some good times. yay the band won freking first for a and competition. rock on.

oh dear, i have such a sad life.

2006-05-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

i guess breaks don't really help.

ah well. i will continue regardless.

i am running for the students' council. and i am going to fight for it. yay. uncle goh, the father, the son...

you guys better wait for me. ppl are going to hail the lollipop soon.

2006-05-08T22:19:00.000+08:00

i am back from sabbatical.

this is my rally speech:

Pioneers.

Good morning. Today I, Ulic from 06S13, stand before you humbly as a person who wants to serve. I stand here and speak to you as a person who needs your trust. Your confidence. Your vote. People of Pioneer Junior College, I need you!

I stand here and speak for myself to you in the hopes that I will one day speak to the college for you. I speak now so that you will not have to. I speak now so that you no longer have to suffer in silence. I will speak for you, fellow pioneers.

I will voice your concerns, my fellows, and I will voice them proudly! People may say that these concerns are trivial, superficial. Even stupid. My friends, let me tell you now that it doesn’t matter what people say about your concerns. Your needs. They are not trivial. They are not superficial. They are not stupid.

It doesn’t matter how small your problem may seem. It does not matter if your concerns seem unnecessary. I will listen to what you have to say, and I will voice your concerns. I will give everything that I have, so that you can enjoy college life. You matter, my friends. You matter to me. You matter to the council. And the council will be behind you! Supporting you! Cheering you on!

My fellow pioneers. I have a dream. A dream for me. A dream for this college. But most importantly, a dream for you!

I have a dream that one day this college will rise up and live out the true meaning of our creed as one family.

I have a dream that one day scores and droves of pioneers will come forth and support each other in getting glory for the college.

I have a dream that one day success will make this college its permanent home.

I have a dream, fellow pioneers, that one day we will all join hands and celebrate. Together, we will celebrate our success. Together, we will celebrate being pioneers.

I have faith in that dream, pioneers. And it is in that faith that I stand before you now, nearing the end of this declaration of my pledge to you, I ask you for your help.

Let us make our dreams come true. So that we will all stand up and shout with pride, “We are pioneers!”

Thank you.

that's it.

2006-05-02T22:45:00.000+08:00

per a good friend of mine's request, i will dissect my commemoration on 27th april for the benefit of everyone. needless to say, this will make the commemoration meaningless, but hey, if you guys want this so much, no problem.

let's see... how to do this. ooh! ooh! i know!

i will redo the thing. only this time, no flowery stuff. here goes...

to nasuha on her 17th burthday. i have been thinking about you.
i miss the fun we shared with everyone.
sometimes i get all fuzzy thinking of the times back in bp.
i feel so alone in pjc. but thinking of my friends helps.
however, i don't know for how much longer. cus we've been out of touch for so long,
it even took me a while to remember that your name is nasuha idris.
so today, the day that marks your birth, my present will be to remember you.
and the times we shared, ok? try and remember me lah.

there. done. any questions?

2006-05-02T19:25:00.000+08:00

initially, i intended to badmouth this really good friend of mine. but then, i think i need to clarify some things first.

NOTE: TAKE THIS POST SERIOUSLY.

i am a sane person. i do not intentionally decry others with malicious intent. everything i say this blog herein has meaning. but you can NEVER find it if your minds are FREAKIN' CLOSED and you don't have eyes for FREAKIN' DETAILS. appreciate the humour. the sentimentalism. whatever. just don't go freakin' messing around with ideas in your heads that have little basis in fact. the bottom line, people, is that I AM LEADING YOU GUYS ON WITH SHIT THAT YOU CAN'T GET.

pardon my frank opinion, however rude or boorish it may be. i'm just slightly irritated by how things have gone in the way of external responses to my blog. and if you guys know me well enough, you'll also know that slightly irritated is way too much for me. i hate myself for getting irritated.

if you don't hear me say it straight to your faces, then that means i don't even bother to think it.
it means that i can't be bothered to plan a conversation with you so that you can get my meaning. i blog so i can channel my abstract thoughts into words. words that i hoped would be understood and appreciated by others like myself. it seems that a very select few of you people out there get me. i shall not name anyone.

i respect all of you. i appreciate your accepting me. but if i may be so selfish as to ask something of you people, can you guys just take this blog into account WITH A PINCH OF SALT? come on. do you really think that what i say here is what i feel? yes, i have emotions. emotions that all of you also have, the only difference being that you can never guess at them if i don't tell it to you straight in the face (except a scant few in this god forsaken land).

so please, lay off a bit. why can't this be just a way for me to have some fun? i don't want to be getting all moody in this blog and just go "shit shit shit crap assholes". can't i just be the joker that i want all of you to think and know me as?

is it that difficult to laugh? huh?

2006-05-01T22:07:00.000+08:00

why is it that people can never get what i wanna say? tell me. i might just kowtow to you for it. or kill you. see first.

2006-05-01T19:43:00.000+08:00

this post is some part psycho-badmouth-supplemental and some part other kinds of excrement.

Fat. i forgot to say that fat had an admirer in secondary school. i also forgot to say that that same admirer thinks that, and i quote "his face looks like a pile of shit with flies". or something like that. go ask adalmin.

to be honest, i don't think he looks that bad. maybe because i look like a rotten lollipop (thanks adalmin) with not just flies around it. but still, let me tell you. there are helluva lot more guys out there who look worse than both him and me (mostly him. i think i'm hopeless). take, for example...

jian qiang (doraemon). xuan tong (no need for any moniker. he's a horror onto himself). melvin chua. OH MY GOD. DENNIS!!! maybe me.

nuff said. i shall now badmouth someone else. elf.

i know i am soo gonna die for this...

anyway, elf. elf has unique ears. to put it simply, they're large. to make it a little bit more complicated... HIS EARS ARE FREAKY IN THEIR LARGENESS AND ABILITY TO MOVE INDEPENDANTLY OF ANY OTHER BODYPART. hence, elf.

elf is fit. he has a sculpted package (that sounds sooo wrong). he can kill me.

elf is kinda weird in his own right too. he has black hair. but he wants to dye his hair black. something about not being black enough.

otherwise, he's a nice guy. he has a temper, though. i guess the temper stems from a slight egocentric streak in him. (i'm using big words so that maybe he, being the lazy person that he is, will not waste energy pursuing their meanings, and as such my insinuations).

there's also this strange aura of paranoia about him. you can't really get it if you don't think you know him that well. but over time, you'll notice that his life very much revolves around outside opinions and the belief in himself being the center of the universe.

this may be a bit unfair cus i'm only saying what i think is wrong with him. he actually has many good traits. he's willing to help if you can coax the good side out. he's decent. as in he won't go around raping people, ever. he has his own moral code.

sometimes i don't really agree with his code. but most of the time, i've got no problem with him. like i said, he's a nice guy. and he's sooooooo gonna kill me for this.

2006-04-30T23:32:00.000+08:00

project work meetings can be so taxing. all the squabbles and conflicts. sigh... so unlike local politics. in project work meetings, each and every single motion is argued. every single detail is fished out. all opinoins are heard. in local politics, it's all YEAH YEAH GOOD OKAY I'LL DO IT NO PROBLEM HAIL THE MIGHTY TRIO. i'm kinda high.

that regardless, today i shall badmouth the person who thought i badmouthed him in the previous post. i call him... Fat. i hope i don't have to explain why.

Fat is a friend. an actual friend. i like him for who he is. he's funny. too bad he's in rp. he'll never get a good audience there. such a pity. he likes money too. and girls. and guys. i find the guy part freaky. still, in all his freakiness (and boy, is he freaky) he's one of the most decent guys i know.

i find that depressing and disturbing. cus the best kind of people i know are psychotic freaks (there's a pun there, fyi).

2006-04-29T18:02:00.000+08:00

the previous post disregarded, today i shall badmouth this male acquaintance of mine.

i shall call him shulk.

why? he's about 167 cm short. and he's fat. he might tell you that it's all muscle. but trust me. he's fat. kinda like the hulk. he also has lots of femalish tendencies. gayish tendencies. kinda like she hulk. but she hulk's too long. ergo, shulk.

shulk is big. otherwise, it won't be shulk. shulk is strong. shulk has questionable sexual orientation. shulk periodically shows a freakish streak. like unzipping his pants in public. or dry humping someone's shoe. be wary of shulk.

he's got money, though. he's my friend. hahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

2006-04-29T17:25:00.000+08:00

today, i performed at sajc.

disaster.

let's now discuss the mistakes by order of chronological occurence. (we played smells like teen spirit by nirvana, btw)

1. i messed up the initial rhythm. only managed to pull together a decent riff after the intro.
2. nothing really happened until after the first chorus. in the verse following it, some freak force of nature made my amp go to beyond full blast; it got a helluvalot louder. no one heard anything other than my guitar.
3. the error above carried through pretty much the rest of the song
4. the highlight of the disaster. after the guitar solo, there were still another verse and two choruses to get through. the drummer decided to end the song just after the solo. so, a song that is 5 minutes long was cut to about half its length.

i hate freak forces of nature.

2006-04-28T23:50:00.000+08:00

the day after is almost ended.

there's this pit in my stomach.

what to do? badmouth again, quite obviously.

today, i shall start a series of posts that profile my past and present acquaintances. if i'm feeling high enough, i'll even talk about my future acquaintances.

let's begin. adalmin. i shall speak of her first as a preemptive strike. you see, i told her it was okay to make fun of me. so to make sure that i'll be having a li'l bit more fun than her, i'll make fun of her first.

adalmin. the last time i saw her was during prom. i shall therefore describe her based on that last memory. in short, (please say this with a hongkong accent for added effect) she is kinda freaky. then again, i'm not in much of a position to comment. nevertheless, i shall continue.

she's this kinda petite woman. she says she's got nice legs cus she runs everyday (i know, damn freaky). she's just slightly androgynus lah. slightly. except for prom. she was a freakishly scary ninja girl from long, faraway hills. but most of the time, she's just plain scary.

i'm not too sure about this, but i always remember her as someone who walks with a slight slight hunch. you know, the kind of hunched movement that is almost always associated with someone who can kill you, mutilate your corpse, and get the authorities to join in the laughter afterwards. she gets freaked out when ppl sneak up on her from behind, though (oh the memories; and bruises). she can punch like a strong lady. or dennis on steroids (another inside joke). hence the scariness.

still, a good acquaintance to be around. the jokes are fresh, although i must admit that the mat jokes were lame. good laughs. lotsa good laughs. lotsa innuendo. lotsa random screaming when someone gets freaked out by the innuendo.

anyways, i don't know what she looks like now, or how freaky she is. but i know that the people in america around her are lucky. they'll get good laughs. they're also in deep bull faeces. i would know. the bruises may have left, but the trauma is in some vault in my brain. damn.

next post will be about this gay looking guy who's sorely misunderstood. i'm not surprised that he's misunderstood, cus i spread the confusion in the first place. hah. peace out.

2006-04-27T20:37:00.000+08:00

i've been tagged, it seems.

she must be
1.her
2.her
3.her
4.her
5.her
6.her
7.her

that's it. i don't see the need for description. she's there for all the world to see. and that's too much for me.

2006-04-27T18:58:00.000+08:00

yay. today's the day. but before i begin the commemoration, here're some announcements:

to adalmin: dang it. you know. nehmind. thanks for telling me about the link thing. it's fixed now. and please refrain from using my name online. the government must not know. and woohoo! you swore in your comment! mission successful.

now, to begin:

to a girl who today turns seventeen,

i have been missing you;

your smile and your warmth,

your laughter and joy,

you. indeed it is true

that many a day passes by

with my heartbeat skipping,

losing its rhythm,

all because i miss you.

i grow frightened, alone in the dark;

although you are the light that gives me my life,

my drive,

my purpose. it frightens me

that i am fighting a losing battle.

for as the ravages of time and distance

dull my memory of you, my feelings stay true.

but what is this feeling for,

if i do not remember the essence of who it represents?

so it is on this day, that i remember,

and search the labyrinth of my forgotten memories,

that in my longing for the memory of you,

i find you. and feel once more what i once felt so strongly.

i do not want to be frightened anymore.

where are you, this light

that shines in the abyssmal darkness

of my heart?

i call out to you, on this day of your birth,

to remember me. to know,

that i am here,

remembering you.

for who you are.

and how much you mean to me.

to the girl whose day of birth is today,

happy birthday. i will always miss you.

2006-04-26T16:34:00.000+08:00

ooh. i love my life, at this point in time. no doubt, i'm gonna hate it soon enough... but i soo love it now. (say why)

why, you ask? (say yes)

well, i'll tell you. (say thank you Ulic, you are such a gentleman. the best gentleman there was, is and ever will be!!!! marry me!!!!)

let's see. oh yes. adalmin yet does not know my identity. but i know hers. i feel the power, man. oh yeah! i can't wait to freak her out with knowledge about her personal life. she might even be so freaked out that she'll spout vulgarities and obscenities and all that crap that she spouts out in her comments.

next. tomorrow is a special day. it is the birthday of someone special to me. and i shall not waste the opportunity to show my appreciation. thinking about her just makes me feel... numb. yeah, i guess numb is the best word for it at this moment. it's like the feeling you get when you daydream, where time pays you no heed, and you don't give a damn about it. where you feel as if lifetimes of blissful serenity have been experienced in a single moment. i don't usually feel this way about anyone. come to think of it, she's kinda like the first.

i still remember that moment. or rather, those few moments. the moments we shared, promenading, enjoying each other's company. i felt that i had no more burdens on my shoulders. no more worries and doubts about how fulfilling my life was. at that point in time, the glass wasn't half empty. it wasn't even half full. there was no glass... just fullness, in all its pure pristine perfection (alliteration!). tomorrow, i shall commemorate that day and her existence. that is more than reason enough for me to soo love my life. cus she's there. (say that is soo sweet. you're like the sweetest guy i know!)

next. i'm not really messing up my life.

i watch what i say (not in this blog, but hey, what're they gonna do? put me away because of what i say? ... wait a minute....) to people. and it seems people don't find me offputting. i actually don't mind talking to strangers now. i just hope that i don't become a mosquito (say mosquito? hahaha! you are so funny! you are such a comedic genius!) and suck everyone's blood.

and yes, before i forget. i forgot to say this in the previous post. there's a reason why the tv forum was not broadcast live.

so i guess that's it. can't wait for tomorrow.

2006-04-25T22:42:00.000+08:00

honesty. a very interesting concept. very noble too. unfortunately, in the current context of our great great democracy, honesty itself is a freakin lie.

take the recent tv forum as an example. the MM and a bunch of youngins talking to each other about local politics... i was trying very hard to listen and digest, but all i heard was "blal blah blah i will live forever blah blah" (joke, by the way. no hard feelings, huh? and don't take this seriously).

the one thing that struck me was this: "if i am arrogant, would i be sitting here talking to you?"

i was kinda surprised that the youngins didn't answer. i'll have to answer for them. THE ANSWER IS YES. it don't matter whether or not you're arrogant to talk, man. it's how you talk. i can be quite arrogant, sometimes (yeah, yeah, i admit). i still talk to people, if only to show my self-importance. let me put it this way. if i am arrogant, i will be asking this: "if i am arrogant, would i be sitting here talking to you?"

by the way, this is all my opinion as a young youngin. PLEASE DO NOT SEE THIS AS AN ACT BACKED BY SOME POLITICAL AGENDA. i'm not even old enough to vote, dangit. but if i were, i guess i'd put a smiley face on all the choices. for the fun of it. (see, this blog is not serious. when will you isd people get it?)

now i will digress to what'simportant to people like me... digressing.

i love changing the subject. it throws people off their balance. even if they find me out, i would have bought enough time to rebut. and true to my nature, i will digress again, this time to clarification.

RP people aren't too bright. why.

i do not know. neither do i care. i can't be bothered to delve into this mystery. i just know that they aren't too bright.

not all of them, mind you. some of them are smart. mostly in the mouth. they have very smart mouths. and asses. they make good jokes.

which is why i find it sooooo sad... that these smart asses don't get a good enough audience in RP. they make a good joke, and where's the laughter coming from? the teacher. (they call'em facilitators, by the way) what are their classmates doing? nodding their heads, as if it was all serious. i mean, come on! if you can't get humour, what can you get?

i don't mean to demean (rhyme!) RP people,by the way. i know they have potential. they will have the most experience. and they all have laptops. just where the heck is the laughter?

one final detour. i miss my old life. i miss chatting with other people who get my jokes. i miss caring in the shadows. i miss the sheer joy of being in the presence of someone special, and sharing that blissful silence, soaking in the splendour of life. i miss laughing in a way that makes you feel warm inside for hours.. i miss laughing at and with fat people. and at people with flabby stomachs. i miss getting sad and hurt when people don't get me...

i miss being human. i feel like a robot now...

i miss you.

2006-04-24T22:35:00.001+08:00

let's see... what interesting things have i experienced lately?

hmm...

not too sure, actually. come to think of it, my past few days have been rather dull. so i guess there's nothing else to do but... badmouth other people!! yeah!

but first... my disclaimer

all posts are to be taken tongue in cheek. there is no sincerity in this blog. there are no implied or veiled meanings in this blog. there is nothing held against the government on the author's part in this blog. the author actually loves everyone around him. this blog is honest on that part. there is no sarcasm in this disclaimer. i repeat, i am not being sarcastic in this disclaimer. my repeating this should be proof enough that i am NOT being sarcastic in this disclaimer. SERIOUSLY.

well, if you know me, then you'll know that it's all bull. but if you don't.... then what if this is bull and the disclaimer isn't? or maybe i'm trying to make you think that... huh? huh?

anyways, i just wanna say that i love my life. everything seems so relaxed (until tomorrow, when i realise that i have homework to be handed in. right now i'm just living in denial). i also love china people. that's what i like to call them, anyway: china people. they're people from china (obviously, but if you're from RP, i have to explain all the difficult words right? RP idiots...)

china people. i love 'em. they sound so honest. and funny. mostly funny, with their 'beaudeefool' accents. but they actually sound as if what they're saying is from the heart. me being the paranoid bugger that i am, i think that it's all a FREAKIN' LIE.

oh they may seem nice now... but before you can say 'martin yen' they'll chop you up like garlic, smash you flat like this (smashing action with knife blade), and then fry you till you're golden brown. and then they'll scream ALL DONE!

so be careful, i say. it's all an act. they want to take over the country...

just look at hwa chong institution. my friend (a china person double agent) goes to school there, and his class only has two non-china people. and guess what? that school is one of te top in the country. what does this mean? THEY'RE TAKING OVER THE EDUCATION SYSTEM HERE.

what then? what else? they'll all try to gain citizenship. being highly educated and skilled, and with the foreign talent policy as it is, they'll all become citizens!!!

and without a one-child policy here, they'll multiply like rabbits on viagra! they will eventually outnumber us, and suddenly, lee kuan yew's grandson or great grand son (does it matter? the prime minister, for heaven's sake) will make us vote on a referendum. on what? whether or not the country will join the people's republic of china. you want proof, you say? did we shut out the bank of china when they became communist? NO!

they planned for this from the start, i say. i also say that i love china. i love the people. please don't send an agent to wipe me of the face of the earth. please. tongue in cheek, remember? God, i am so freakin' paranoid.

i love my life. peace out.

oh ya. before i forget. don't lose hope. the earth will help us out a bit. cus in Singapore, lightning only strikes china people (inside joke; no need to pull your hair out. yet)

2006-04-19T10:49:00.000+08:00

i like friends. i have many of them. mostly real. a few are imaginary. but sometimes, when i get all moody and depressed (i don't really know why i get all moody and deressed but nevermind), i start to think. i know. it's amazing that i can think.

anyways, i think about why i have friends.... and whether or not they are all the same to me. turns out they're not (surprise!). let me see... how do i categorise my friends? and i kept on thinking... the sudden (well,not really sudden; it was kinda slow. i'm kinda slow) realisation that i have few actual friends hit me.

let me explain. you see, i interact with lotsa people everyday (just like everyone else in this freakin world but hey, let me boost my ego a little, huh?) and i don't even remember most of these interactions. so i ask: WHY? WHY, GOD? WHY?

not too sure whether god answered, but i guess i have an answer (thank you, God). it all boils down to the materialistic monster in me. I WANT OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY.

i lurve money. any people who have money, regardless of how annoying they are (except my ACM) are my best friends. until they run out. then they're just useless pathetic pieces of bull faeces. BUT...

i realise that there is this small number of people who don't really have any money that i interact with. and the amazing thing is that i don't think that they're pieces of bull faeces!!!!!!!!! amazing!

so it seems that i do have a heart. a tiny, little, pathetic, superfluous, all-the-synonyms-of-extra, heart. i kinda like it. yeah. so that's another irrelevant post done. peace out. or in. whatever.

"Do Unto Others... Then Run"

2006-04-17T23:21:00.000+08:00

it's about bloody time i got a new post

yay. having wireless broadband is fun. especially if it's not your broadband. NOT THAT I USE OTHER PEOPLE'S BROADBAND WITHOUT THEIR KNOWLEDGE.

it's all hearsay, as they always say...

i advocate using your own broadband. or dial up. just use your own internet, dang it. nevertheless... i HEARD FROM OTHER PEOPLE that hijacking other people's connections is fun. imagine the thrill of using someone else's things... the constant prospect of you potentially disappearing for two years in some prison somehwere... the joy of free internet....

or so i heard. not that i do it myself. i repeat. it's not that i hijack other people's connections. i just listen to what other people say. honest.

anyway, i will now digress to other mundane things i want to tell the world about... like hair.

i found out on sunday that my hair can actually stand! amazing! to think that i have repeatedly wasted half a can of wax at one go on my hair and yielded no results. it seems that london certified hairdressers and barbers can work miracles. someone should declare all hairdressers and barbers certified in london as living saints.

and the dang guy did it with a small shot of mousse. wonderful!!

i must get mousse. i hope i get the right one. wouldn't want to eat my own hair now, would i?

let's see... what other mundane stuff can i talk about without trashing my political ambitions...

i know! the GOVERNMENT!! after all, in my country you can say whatever you want about the government and don't get arrested and held without trial for an indefinite time... find out that no employer wants to hire you... suddenly get a heck of a lot of parking fines... NOOOOoooo.... not in my country. i love my country, by the way. more than half of the people here don't even know how to vote. and people wonder why i have political ambition. come on!!!

it's like the easiest job in the world! just sit around in the office all day, sign this agreement, sign that agreement, sow the seeds of war with neighbouring countries, pretend to be the victim for the time being, and cap it all off with telling the people that we are democratic.

the best part is it can be a family business... can't wait to have children.

i love crapping online. note the word 'crap'. to all you government lackeys out there reading this: i love my country. i will vote for the ruling party. i will work till i die. and intermittently post new entries in my blog which has been neglected for a very long time. i will not ask the prime minister where the money is with a loudhailer near the supreme court or something like that. i will send viruses to opposition party members. i will not seek queen's counsel (not that there's anyhting like that anymore)... yes sir yes sir three bags full. all for my country. not me. peace out.

2005-10-21T15:51:00.000+08:00

look up zane durant please. a fellow blogger, i find his cause to be worthy of attrention. i'm not good at linking. sorry.

2005-10-21T15:15:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a fun day. Well, it was actually a few hours ago but since i'm typing in the early minutes of the morning, it is tomorrow. Anyway, it was one of the most fun days i have ever experienced. quite violent too. it all began in the morning... (yesterday morning)
i came to school even though i didn't have to. i felt bored at home. and i had lessons later on anyway. so i came to school a few hours early. after assembly, i found myself with nothing to do. not that i can't entertain myself when i'm alone and have nothing to do, but i was in school. no foolery allowed. in any case, i spent the first hour or so playing the guitar (my class has one; it's illegal, so don't snitch on me) until one of the strings broke. then i tried to study for a while. please note that i have tried to study my whole life. never did work. so i played Magic the Gathering with my friend for an hour or two (hard to tell when the class clock has no hands). now things got interesting, fun, and violent.

another friend, let's call her S, found a pack of rubber bands lying around (the things you can find in my classroom astounds everyone) and tries to shoot them at another friend (Z). i found out that S sucks at shooting rubber bands (although being good at it is nothing to be too proud of). then all of us (me, and J and S and K) try to shoot Z. after a few exchanges, everyone tried to aim for Z's crotch. he ran around for a while. but then he found out that we all suck at shooting except him.

so he decided to settle down on one side of the class, sit on a table, and leave his crotch exposed while shooting us in the head, neck, you name it. i guess he got a little bored because after a while he told us the secret of shooting well (something about pushing down the trigger finger on release; i never got it, as will be revealed later). therefore, he can be blamed for causing an all out war using rubber bands.

we were all sent into a frenzy of shooting, me, J, K and S against Z, all aiming at his crotch while he took potshots at us. i am happy to say that i managed to hit his crotch four times. yay. anyway, S got a brilliant idea: she decided to film the mess. so now there is evidence linking me to the mayhem. great. but that's not all, no. S decided to join forces with Z and was later supported by a newcomer, L. that was when chaos asserted itself.

as earlier said, i never got to know the secret. so i improvised. i latched my rubber bands onto the binding of one of my textbooks and let fly. with glorious results. now other people were getting hit in all places. i even simultaneously shot six bands at once (i call it the gunshot). still, all of us were getting hit frequently enough to feel irritated. did we stop? no. instead, we overturned tables and chairs and piled them into barricades and forts (remember: i was still in my classroom). soon, we ran out of ammo.

so we declared a cease fire. not to clean up. but to collect the fallen ammo. things got violent. we wrestled each other for rubber bands, scrummed, clawed, pulled shirts. i still have my battle scar. then, we fought some more. i have some pictures. i'll upload them next time. it was apocalyptic.

then we realised something. there was going to be a lesson in fifteen minutes. but surprisingly, we managed to clean up. amazing, that people only work together after fighting each other. so fun. will upload.

2005-10-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

i was atching a rerun of judging amy yesterday and was particularly intrigued by one of the plots. it involvedfree speech, contitutional rights, pro establishmentism, anti establishmentism, that sort of thing. i understand that if i say the wrong thing on the internet, i might get free food and lodging, courtesy of the Singapore government. so i must be careful.

anyways, i was wondering about the state of free speech in Singapore. whenever i try to recollect any examples, i tend to extract those that involved the opposition parties, someone asking the former prime minister where the money is (whatever that means. seriously. i do not know. no.) the thing is, i find that the administration is quite particular about what people say about it. most of the time, nothing happens. sometimes, people around us disappear for some time before reappearing, tight-lipped about their temporary departure. (terna-linay curity-seay act-ay) i wonder why.

and so happens my wonderings produce a crappy theory. the people in Singapore are the key. we are either to stupid. or too smart. i assume the latter, being a citizen myself. but for the sake of the post, i will discuss the stupid part first. we might actually be sooo dumb that we believe what people tell us and blindly obey (rest assured that this is NOT the current situation; the blindly obeying). so the government has to remove the bad seeds. OR, we could be soo smart that we read too deeply into the usurper's message and 'detect' certain truths about it (although the message is utter bull faeces). in any case, these influences can cause some very tough questions to arise: why father and son rule together, i mean lead together. or why i cant bloody be a cool fighter pilot.

but, to clarify things, i have put those questions behind me, and will willingly serve my country and its leader, for they can see farther into the future than me. long live the father, the son, and Uncle Goh. yay.

2005-10-13T05:52:00.000+08:00

it has been a long time since my last post. indeed, almost a month has passed. not to say that i have been a particularly busy beaver. come to think of it, i have done little in the way of revision for my O's. needless to say, i am thoroughly worried. not panicked yet, mind you. that will come soon enough, just not now. i do believe i am getting into the swing of this blogging business, in any case. i remember my first blog; a glorious one it was. so passionate, so involved. it is indeed most unfortunate that the password for that account has after months of neglect been untimely forgotten by my mind. sometimes, i think there has to be something wrong with me (other than my large head, long neck and legs, and small frame). i have always felt that i am mentally flawed. talking to myself all the time and smiling at nothing did not particularly dissuade my hypothesis. but then, looking at the world around me, people just seem so... what is that counfounded word?... foolish. i suppose foolish will have to do. for now. anyway, i look to others, at others, and find that the things they do are often illogical and guided by a mysterious force. think no wrong of me yet, for i know that in all probability it is emotion and all that sort of intangible forces that govern their sometimes insane decisions. i still do not understand.

after long years of contemplation, i still do not understand. i have since given up on trying. i suppose that i am one of those people who deal in absolutes, in a set number of rules that govern humanity. and everyone knows: only fools deal in absolute; the world is transience, and transcience is the world.

maybe, being a fool, i am not so flawed anymore. it has been long indeed.

2005-09-25T07:12:00.000+08:00

first one
all about me then
well, not all
predators are abound, after all
am:
not much
patient
open
healing (trying at least)
hurt

am not:
violent
strong
bold
most other good qualities in life (except for the violent part. never good, that is)

ah yes
i am not tech savvy either (explains the template)

TODAY:
woke up a bit groggy. have been struck down with fever for many days
exams are over. a relief for sure. until the results come out.
anyways. parents went out early to get breakfast.
breakfast was hot. and very spicy.
didn't finish. diarhea.
darn.
ate my medicine after breakfast. 1100
actually got a game goin. i time how fast i eat the half dozen pills and two spoons of syrrup
(not good. but if you don't snitch, i won't)
forgot to time myself.
darn.
and then i play soul calibur two.
(2nd hand games aren't half bad, you know)
until now

parents are still out
sneaking in some net time
the end.